The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
