Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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