hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
