If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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