He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize