Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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