I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
