please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
