I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
