ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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