So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
