I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Did I show you my penis last night?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
