i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
