I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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