love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
