you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
