Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
