I hope mine doesn't look like that
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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