someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
