I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
