Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
