I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
