forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
