I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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