I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
