i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
two words: eviction party
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
