Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize