STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
