wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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