just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
