Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize