She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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