What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
