perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
