it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
