When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
3 2 1 whiskey
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
