If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
