this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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