I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
