i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
