I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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