Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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