I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
