Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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