I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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