It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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