please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
