You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
