i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
