we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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