It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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