it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
