you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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