I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Randomize
