all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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