I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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