Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
