Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
