Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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