and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
