Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
