honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
