This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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