Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
