Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
