She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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