Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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