I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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