I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
